The handsome couple on the road to health and ready to start life together!
(Taken just a few weeks after being married!)
So, this Saturday my husband and I celebrated five years of "wedded bliss".....
Wedded bliss. What in the world is "Wedded Bliss"?! Sure, I remember the pure bliss of being newly married and giggling when saying things like "Let me ask my husband" or "This is my husband" (pronounced huhzz-buhn) and staring down at my hand and getting lost in my wedding and engagement rings thinking of the future and just being in total disbelief that I was married! But do folks marking wedding anniversaries really celebrate 'X' years of being BLISSFULLY married?! Really?! Everybody talks about the bliss and joy of having been married to their "soul mate" for 'X' amount of years and how marvelous their life together has been, they post photos of the bride in that silky white gown (or brag that they can still fit in said silky white gown) and tell of the wonderful anniversary dinner/trip/gift that was given to honor the momentous occasion. That? A bunch of crap is what that is. Don't get me wrong, a long-standing relationship should be celebrated and honored, but I guess what I don't understand is why folks put so much shellac on their anniversary commemorations or their relationships for that matter? I can't imagine there are couples who are living daily - day. in. and. day. out. - with the bliss they felt as a new couple! (And if there truly are those folks out there, GOD bless them and tell them to call me, please!) Why isn't there anybody ever talking about the work it takes to maintain a marriage? The enormous amount of effort - the give and the take - that is required on the daily to keep the relationship propelling forward or simply afloat? The struggles and challenges that life and others have thrown at two people over the years only to see them rise up and maintain? THIS is something that needs deserves to be remembered, celebrated, and marked with the passing of time. Our vows to each other spoke nothing of only remembering the blissfulness.......in times of plenty and in times of want, in times of sickness and in times of health, in times of joy and in times of sorrow, in times of failure and in times of triumph....
I don't think I have ever given a Facebook "shout-out" to my husband on our anniversary (as he is not on Facebook. And why do people "shout-out" at folks not on Facebook to hear it?!), but I think after 5 years I am ready to start celebrating. This is kinda like the birth story of my marriage.....stretch marks, puking, blood and all.....
(There's a whole back story here as to how we met, but I just don't have the time to type up the screenplay. It's good though, and most of it PG 13!)
When my husband and I decided to marry (he actually proposed to me just a few weeks after we met!) we learned very quickly that we would be on our own in doing so. (see prequel) With all of his family and friends in Europe, my mom gone and my immediate family not being very connected and/or supportive, we decided on something very small and non-Barbie-like. Somewhere in the mountains, maybe in the fall, but small and only with those we loved (and who loved us) the most. Plans eventually fell apart when we both ended up getting the worst flu known to mankind and spent the better part of a month praying for the misery to just swallow us up already. It was that bad. So, as the big day (as I had envisioned it) had come and passed, we both just kind of looked at each other one morning (with tissues wadded up our noses) and said, "Let's go get married." cough cough phlegm phlegm puke But I remember feeling this blanket of calm and love and serenity and clarity just completely enveloping me and thinking this feels right finally, and it's the best idea I have ever heard! Let's at least be married when they find our bodies splayed out over the toilet bowl surrounded in soggy Kleenex!
So, we dressed as best we could, stopped at the market and got a bouquet, some more Tylenol, and some snow chains, and headed up the mountain to be married! Hacking and sneezing with temperatures running the whole way!
Just Married! JOP in downtown Reno, NV, baby!
No fancy white silk gown or tux, but we did it! We asked some random guy walking down the strip to be our wedding photographer and we have this one photo of the two of us! (Which was totally fine by me 'cause I 'H'ate being photographed, and that meant I could get my deposit back from the courtroom sketch artist I had hired for the ceremony.) Then we headed across the street to a buffet and filled up on cups of chicken soup, saltines, toast, and hot tea and then drove all the way back home and toasted with NyQuil shots and passed out!
When we returned and told everyone that we had eloped, I was surprised the reactions we got were very mixed. A lot of people (who seriously could not have cared less about our wedding months before) were suddenly "shocked" and "hurt" that we did not include them in the ceremony or invite them to the reception (of which there was none as that is the major suckity-suck-suck part of eloping!). During a time that I should have been feeling that "wedded bliss", I ended up having to do a lot of apologizing and explaining and after a while I started wondering why I was apologizing for marrying my husband?! We were both completely independent adults, right? There was no law on the books that required married peeps to have a ceremony and/or shindig! I kept replaying a quote I read from Kelly Ripa (before she was Kelly Ripa) in Soap Opera Digest where she was asked about her eloping with Mark Consuelos (who is now still just Mark Consuelos) much to the disappointment of their parents and family, something to the effect of: "We didn't want or need a big party, we wanted a marriage. We really just wanted to be married and start our life together."
And so we did. It has not been an easy road so far, and the last year has definitely brought us more potholes than hills to coast down, but our journey together is not done. Only God knows our journey's direction and endpoint, both as a married couple and now as parents, but we do know that when the path we're traversing becomes too difficult, we can lean on one another for support, comfort, encouragement, and respite. And when the wear becomes too much for both of us to go on any further, we can pull off to the side, hold on to each other tightly, and just pray. Pray for God's healing; that He'll bring us the strength, hope, and faith we need to carry on together as one even when we can barely see the path in front of us. His Mercy will bring us through......
Through the everyday challenges of learning to live with another person all up in your personal space (!), through the passing of beloved family members, through seemingly never-ending unemployment struggles, through financial stresses and hardships, through distance and commutes, through parenting differences and lack of sleep, through mother-in-law drama and the constant yearn to be back home and part of a real family, through a difficult and often heartbreaking year of trying to conceive, through feelings of failure, frustration, anger, and complacency, through the fire, to the limit, to the wall..........what has not destroyed us, has made us stronger, and what has not divided us, has only brought us closer.
This is what I would like us to celebrate every year. Sure the blissful moments were there (we can look back to our blessing jar and find them tucked away inside) but it is the struggles that we survive together and by the pure Grace, tender Mercy, unconditional Love, and never-ending Faithfulness of our God that we still stand today.
So, if my Huhzz-buhn was on Facebook, this would be my anniversary shout-out to him:
Happy Anniversary honey! I still love you with all of my heart and being. Thank you for holding my hand and continuing to walk with me. ♥
A dear friend of mine had this prayer posted on her wall on the day of our anniversary and I thought that was such a neat sign! This is very similar to the prayer I pray over our marriage and my little family on Sundays, and every day in between:
Lord, as I walk through this world,
Let your Grace light my path.
Your Mercy shelter my soul.
And your love heal my heart.
And this is the number one jam from the soundtrack of our marriage and would have been our "first dance" had we had a reception. Seriously, is there anything Chaka can not sing me through?!
Through the fire, to the limit, to the wall
For a chance to be with you
I'd gladly risk it all
Through the fire
Through whatever, come what may
For a chance at loving you
I'd take it all the way
Right down to the wire
Even through the fire.....
Through the test of time
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